Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Personal Thoughts on Abusive Situations

I have been feeling like I need to make some personal comments after having read and posted the book review on Break Through. I have kept quiet on my blog about personal abuse in my marriage out of respect for my two teenage sons. However, reading Break Through has prompted me to give you some personal, insider notes without trying to make a big deal or cast blame. I do feel that at some point in time God will ask me to share, and I want to be obedient, ready and willing when that time comes. But for now, here are some comments from the perspective of someone who has been there.

To those in crises situations:

There is no shame in seeking help.

There is never any reason for someone to verbally or physically abuse you.

You did not "make" them do it to you.

Be prepared for denial on the part of the offender.

It will NOT get better, only worse.

To family members of those in crises situations:

Unless a person is ready to get out of the abusive situation, they will go right back to it. It’s easier to deal with what you know than the unknown.

Never, ever minimize the abuse with your loved one.

Do not pretend it did not happen.

The person in the situation needs to be acknowledged and allowed to give voice when the need arises.

Most of the time your loved one just needs to talk.

Yes, it's painful for you to hear.

Yes, you may want to take action against the offending party.

And no, you are not to blame for what happened or for not knowing what was going on.

The important thing is what you do now. Just don't let yourself get into a situation where you are enabling, you need to help your loved one grow.

How do you think God feels:

God loves you.

You are precious in His sight.

He died for us to free us from our sins.

He was ABUSED and MURDERED for us.

He knows what you are going through.

He wants you to be free from abuse.

You know, Christians have been taught that divorce is wrong; that under no circumstance should you consider divorce. I struggled with this issue of divorce for several years before breaking free. However, there are a few instances in the Bible in both the Old and the New Testaments giving permission for divorce. While waiting to make your decision you may need to get help and physically step away from the abusive situation and not return until you are certain the offenses will not happen again (which means that not only the offender needs to change, but you need to change, too). If your life is on the line you need to get out, and the sooner the better. And please, find someone you can trust and talk with.

I am a woman who is now five years free from living this type of life, and my situation was mild considering what I have seen and heard of others. I made a decision to get help (counseling and the help of family members), to change my life, to make good friends (do you really have friends when you are in this type of situation?), to grow into the woman I feel I was always meant to be. You can do it, too!


NOTE: I am not a professional counselor. I am not a counselor at all. My thoughts are just that, my personal thoughts. Please seek counseling from a professional if you are in an abusive situation!

No comments:

Post a Comment