Personal Thoughts on Abusive Situations

I have been feeling like I need to make some personal comments after having read and posted the book review on Break Through. I have kept quiet on my blog about personal abuse in my marriage out of respect for my two teenage sons. However, reading Break Through has prompted me to give you some personal, insider notes without trying to make a big deal or cast blame. I do feel that at some point in time God will ask me to share, and I want to be obedient, ready and willing when that time comes. But for now, here are some comments from the perspective of someone who has been there.

To those in crises situations:

There is no shame in seeking help.

There is never any reason for someone to verbally or physically abuse you.

You did not "make" them do it to you.

Be prepared for denial on the part of the offender.

It will NOT get better, only worse.

To family members of those in crises situations:

Unless a person is ready to get out of the abusive situation, they will go right back to it. It’s easier to deal with what you know than the unknown.

Never, ever minimize the abuse with your loved one.

Do not pretend it did not happen.

The person in the situation needs to be acknowledged and allowed to give voice when the need arises.

Most of the time your loved one just needs to talk.

Yes, it's painful for you to hear.

Yes, you may want to take action against the offending party.

And no, you are not to blame for what happened or for not knowing what was going on.

The important thing is what you do now. Just don't let yourself get into a situation where you are enabling, you need to help your loved one grow.

How do you think God feels:

God loves you.

You are precious in His sight.

He died for us to free us from our sins.

He was ABUSED and MURDERED for us.

He knows what you are going through.

He wants you to be free from abuse.

You know, Christians have been taught that divorce is wrong; that under no circumstance should you consider divorce. I struggled with this issue of divorce for several years before breaking free. However, there are a few instances in the Bible in both the Old and the New Testaments giving permission for divorce. While waiting to make your decision you may need to get help and physically step away from the abusive situation and not return until you are certain the offenses will not happen again (which means that not only the offender needs to change, but you need to change, too). If your life is on the line you need to get out, and the sooner the better. And please, find someone you can trust and talk with.

I am a woman who is now five years free from living this type of life, and my situation was mild considering what I have seen and heard of others. I made a decision to get help (counseling and the help of family members), to change my life, to make good friends (do you really have friends when you are in this type of situation?), to grow into the woman I feel I was always meant to be. You can do it, too!

Reese

NOTE: I am not a professional counselor. I am not a counselor at all. My thoughts are just that, my personal thoughts. Please seek counseling from a professional if you are in an abusive situation!

Thoughts and Burdens on My Heart...

"Therefore also now, saith the LORD, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: and rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the LORD your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil."  Joel 2:12-13

God is asking the Israelites to return to Him.  The reason for their great punishment -- famine, locusts, captivity -- was because they had turned away from Him (see Joel chpt. 1).  They had ceased to offer sacrifices in the house of the Lord.  They had refused to worship God.  Instead, they chose to do things their own way.

How many times do we do that today?  We choose not to worship God.  Or, as in Joel 2:12-13, we worship Him with our outward appearance (by going to church, quoting Bible verses, saying "the words"), but refuse to give Him our heart.  God wants more than just the actions.  He wants actions coming from a right heart. 

In Romans 12:1-2 God leads Paul to say, "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."  Paul is BEGGING Christians, through God's mercies, to stand for Him.  It is only REASONABLE that after what God did for us, through the sacrifice of His sinless Son, that we cheerfully, wholeheartedly, give ourselves to Him for His service. 

There are things going on in our country right now that should greatly disturb Christians.  Things such as abortion.  Homosexuality (to the point that it is being taught in our schools and paraded around in public, daring people to confront them), did you EVER think it would be legal here in the United States of America for a man to marry another man, or a woman to marry another woman?!?  And that we are to accept such practices? Please know that God calls us to hate the sin, but to love the sinner.  These things should be driving Christians to their knees, begging God to work a change in the hearts of the people of our country.  Do you think that God is going to turn a blind eye or a deaf ear to the sins we are committing?  And yes, if we don't take a stand against what is wrong, we are just as guilty as those committing these sins. 

Our country has become one of serving only self.  We no longer care what will affect someone else, only our own selves.  What can I get that will make me happier?  What can I do that will bring me the most pleasure?  What I do won't affect those around me (oh yes, it will!), and if it does, I really don't care.  We have become the "me" generation.  We don't want to offend anyone.  Everyone has the "right" to do as they think best.  We do not have the "right" to protest what GOD says is wrong.  Where does that leave us?  What are we to do? 

God calls Christians to seek Him and pray.  And not just one time.  God gives a promise in II Chronicles 7:14, "IF my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; THEN will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."  God was giving king Solomon a promise in this verse, but it also applies today.

We can start taking a stand.  We don't necessarily have to become activists, but we can certainly vote.  We can pray.  We can help and support those who follow after God's laws (I'm not talking about televangelists here).  How do YOU accomplish these things?  Share your ideas...

No, I am not a pastor or a preacher or a teacher.  I am not qualified in any way.  I am just a very concerned woman. 

From the thoughts and burdens of my heart...

Reese

Prayer Can Result In Change

What is happening in our country today? Crime is rampant, government is out of control, people are living for themselves... How can things change for our country?

II Chronicles 7:14 says "If My people, which are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."

Genesis 18 shows Abraham arguing with the Lord. Beginning in verse 15 the Lord decides to tell Abraham that He is going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham's nephew Lot and his family lived there. In verse 22 Abraham stood before the Lord and began asking if there were fifty righteous people in the city, would the Lord destroy it? The Lord said no. Abraham went further and asked if there were forty-five, then if there were twenty, and finally, if there were only ten, and the Lord said, "I will not destroy it for ten's sake." God heard the pleas of Abraham and responded in a positive manner.

In the gospel of Mark a man brought his son to Jesus to cast out a demon. The man told Jesus that Jesus' disciples had not been able to cast out the demon. Jesus cast out the demon, and once he had done so, His disciples wanted to know why they had been unsuccessful. Jesus answered them in verse 29 of the 9th chapter, "And He said unto them, This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting." Sometimes God moves only when we pray and fast.

Can our country change? I believe so! September 20 through October 30 has been set aside as a time of prayer and fasting on behalf of our nation. Check out the website www.prayandact.org and join fellow Christians in prayer and fasting for our country.